A Crossdresser’s Story: Throwing My Girly Clothes Away

Hello, lovelies! Recently, I wrote an article about the urge of quitting crossdressing that many of us experience. I know that it is a very confusing phase for every crossdresser and most face these times alone. That’s why today I’ll be telling you how I got over that phase and how I dealt with those feelings.

Being a crossdresser is troubling, to say the least, especially in our youths. We face many situations with poor insight and our environmental conditions which influence us much more than in our adulthood. Because I always found inspiration in other crossdressers’ and trans women’s stories, I thought that maybe you could find comfort in these words.

1. A Confusing and Frustrating Time

To explain, and even maybe justify my chaotic outburst, I think that some context is necessary. As you may know from previous stories, I started crossdressing at a relatively young age. It was a hobby that I had and did it because of how good and free made me feel. I didn’t overthink it at the time but it wasn’t like that as time passed by. During my teen years and the expansion of my social circle, I’ve never met anyone who was publicly interested in crossdressing. With that being said, I’ve never found someone to share it with during these years and I guess it had something to do with my increasing feeling of loneliness.

Fast forward to my first years in college, after breaking up with my girlfriend at the time, my life was going through a whirlwind of emotions. Dealing with the difficult routine of a working student was stressful enough to deal with two lives. More so, I was still living with my parents, and finding time for myself was difficult. It is worth mentioning that the college environment was very male-centered. Not many women attended at that time, let alone any trans-student. Still, I was feeling pretty weird not having found anyone who shared my interests. There probably was, but the time and place never presented themselves to do so. After a shameful finals season, I lost all my temper.

2. An Angry Night

Because I was living with my parents, it was almost impossible to find time to meditate on my feelings with a clear head. Most times I could have, I was either exhausted or stressed over a test. A time bomb ticking, waiting for its hour to explode. Throughout the years, I gathered a humble stash of feminine clothes. During that time, I only got around to adding one or two items to the collection per year. Very little to my taste. As you can imagine, it was hard and time-consuming putting it together. Shame there’s nothing left of them.

The cathartic and somewhat regretful night had all the condiments to let rage and frustration burst out. It was during summer, that a friend of mine invited me to spend vacations with him. Like I said before, I was dealing with finals so I passed on the opportunity. Instead, he asked me if I minded house sitting his home and pets. Of course, I agreed, since I would have some time alone with my thoughts. It was after one failed final that doomed me to take the entire subject once again next year and delay my diploma. I took my stash of clothes from my home inside of a backpack and went to spend the night at my friend’s place.

3. The Cathartic Moment

Tired, stressed, feeling alone, and a total failure. Wondering if I have chosen the right career or what would I do if I quit? Why can’t I find someone to share my crossdressing? Where is all my life going? It was after months of these feelings and thoughts buried in my subconscious that I took the time to analyze them. But not with a clear head. Then after crying and hitting the walls a couple of times, I decided to quit crossdressing. That no more I would allow myself to feel feminine or indulge it. I grab my stash, the trashcan (luckily made out of metal), burning alcohol, and my lighter. Went outside and burned it all as I watched to make sure not a single piece of cloth was identifiable. Then, I threw the ashes away. Feeling free of one of my burdens, I went back inside and resolved to dedicate more time to studying and improving my notes. That got me through that sad and angry night.

4. The Aftermath

As you can see, crossdressing has come back into my life, rather quickly after the incident. It was years ago, but I find it rather funny that I thought that night that burning my clothes would put an end to my crossdressing. Of course, shame followed when I started dressing up again. I’m not sure if it was because of the clothes that I wore, but rather because I swore not to do it again. In time I learned to love and live with this part of myself and started building my life a little more around them. I moved on and started to wear feminine clothes almost every day. I got to rebuild my stash with lots of more items. I started to frequent the alternate scene in the city to meet someone not only to share crossdressing but also as a partner. I came out to some friends and found an incredible girl to share my feminine persona!

Of course, the burning purge was one-time-only. By the time I started spending money again on women’s clothes I had already accepted my inner desires and wishes. I guess it served as a wake-up call, or as a ritual in that unstable situation to help me get through my feelings at the time. Never again have I spent money just to throw or burn away, except for fireworks, but that’s another story. If you are reading this and have experienced or are going through this phase right now, know that you are not alone. Most of us here have experienced something similar, and you must know that you can’t solve anything on a crazy impulse. If crossdressing makes you feel good for whatever reason, I encourage you to keep exploring your femininity. Surround yourself with people with the same interests, even though it seems there aren’t any, there are more than you can think of.

I hope you have all enjoyed this tale and found some insightful thoughts about it. I know very well that there are times in which we think we can’t keep crossdressing, despite how much we need it. Have you gone through anything like this? If so, how and why did you start dressing up again? I would love to read your story in the comments down below! See you all soon!

Written by Tina Munova