Why We Need to Fight to Destigmatize Crossdresser Beauty Standards

Crossdressers think every day about beauty as we’re always striving to look beautiful. We try out new makeup techniques and always wonder if we’re getting closer to our feminine ideal of what it truly means to be beautiful. Crossdressers wonder if the objective of beauty is ever truly reached with our masculine and feminine sides working together in near-perfect harmony. We strive to achieve a certain sense of feminine beauty. But what truly makes a crossdresser beautiful?

The rise of social media has unknowingly created and instilled a mindset of beauty that we should strive for. Beauty magazines and attractive advertisements emphasize and popularize a specific notion of conventional beauty for crossdressers in the general population. A certain level of beauty is highlighted by an ever-evolving phenomenon of unrealistic beauty standards. Everything is up to a standard, from arched brows to soft, smooth skin, and achieving a specific weight goal. For non-transitioning crossdressers, one thing we need to live with: is not being able to pursue an entirely feminine body. There is always the question of how far we should go with femininity. 

Every crossdresser just wants to feel feminine and comfortable. We are constantly reminded that we are, in fact, still men underneath all that makeup and clothing. This may lead us to overcompensate with makeup or clothing or take on the extremes and obsessive way of beautifying ourselves. Most likely, for fear of not being able to become more feminine than who we already are. As crossdressers, we should embrace our individuality and be confident in how we express ourselves.

1. What are crossdresser beauty standards? 

Traditional women have societal beauty standards that they’re held to. In much the same way as crossdressers, we have also found ourselves subject to many of the same expectations. The ideals for women in beauty standards include being tall and thin or having a perfect body shape, nose, and skin. It’s not news that there is pressure on crossdressers to be ultra-feminine. This can lead to a lot of dysphoria issues; if you believe that to embody femininity, you have to be a certain way.

A crossdresser, regardless of age, weight, or race, should enjoy the freedom to crossdress how they please. Crossdressers should therefore be liberated from various social constructs such as what we would typically identify as ‘beautiful’.

It’s an imperative endeavor in our journey to add breast forms and padding for the hips and bottom. However, the 36-24-36 measurements are particularly binding for many of us in this regard. Isn’t this beauty standard of having a specific body type just limiting us crossdressers even more than society already does? Once you break through stereotypical norms, you can begin to be yourself and stop feeling as though you have to put on a costume in certain way, to belong.

2. How does it affect us when we crossdress? 

We have many layers to peel to answer this question. There are many intersecting factors that affect how crossdressers perceive beauty standards. We go by the notion that when we conform to beauty standards, the more people will like us. Some beauty standards are a little too much, and it’s almost impossible to keep up. For example, we’re supposed to be thin, and if we’re not, then we’re seen as too fat. Yes, there are products on the market (hip pads, breast forms etc.) that will help us make sure our look is up to par. All of these undeniably help us become our best feminine selves.

Because society puts an emphasis on conventional beauty, we’re constantly looking for ways to improve ourselves. Although this is a good motivator, too much of it can harm our mental health. The danger of putting too much value on beauty is that crossdressers begin to think that their worth as a person is dependent on their image.

This can cause a crossdresser’s self-esteem to rise and fall depending on how they feel they rank in terms of beauty. It can lead to all sorts of mental health issues. On the one hand, beauty can bring us a lot of pleasure; it’s one of life’s simple gifts. On the other hand, though, if we let ourselves take it for granted, turn it into an everyday expectation, or fail to recognize how lucky we are to have it at our disposal, to begin with, then yes, it can enslave us.  The only way we can change people’s perspectives is to start by changing our own.

3. What can we do to destigmatize?

Beauty standards have a lot of factors that play into them, and it can be hard to destigmatize them. By recognizing the ways in which beauty standards are harmful and unhealthy, we can work to let go of them. For instance, we can begin by realizing how beauty standards in media are often harmful. The media often portray skinny women as attractive and curvy or fat as undesirable. This of course, couldn’t be any further from the truth.

Beauty standards, nonetheless, are difficult to measure and define. While they can be positive ideals that help lift crossdressers up and inspire them, there are a large number of detrimental effects that these unrealistic definitions have on those who are subject to them. Modern standards of beauty are actually limiting, immobilizing, and even oppressive by putting so much pressure on traditional women and MtF crossdressers alike to live up to society’s impossible definition of flawless beauty. In this sense, some may perceive beauty as a trap that limits rather than liberates. Instead, we should embrace our uniqueness and just be who we are.

Below are ways crossdressers can do little by little in order to destigmatize beauty standards.

(a). Self-confidence is key

Self-confidence is an important part of being content in your own skin, but society can make it impossible not to compare yourself to others. When you compare yourself to another crossdresser, you’re putting them on a pedestal and making yourself feel like you’re not good enough. The truth is, you’re a beautiful person and have your own unique features and talents. You are not just a mirror of someone else. By being your own person and focusing on your own self-confidence, you will be beautiful inside and out! It’s okay not to like all the features of your body, but you should learn to accept them and love your body. Self-confidence is really important to achieve your goals in your crossdresser life.

Here are a few tips to help you maintain this confidence. First, fill your life with people who make you feel good about yourself. Second, stay positive by saying encouraging words to yourself and thinking positively. Third, be aware of negative thoughts and change the way you think about them. If you are constantly thinking negatively, you are bound to feel negative about yourself. Finally, be honest about your strengths and weaknesses, and try to improve where you can.

(b). Embrace individuality

The truth is beauty is subjective and changes over time. Crossdressers can never truly expect to fit into a mold. Rather we should be comfortable being who we are. Stop worrying and thinking so much about what others think of you and instead recognize yourself as an individual with unique physical characteristics, talents, and hobbies. Suppose you feel comfortable being the authentic version of your crossdressing self in front of everyone else. In that case, there will be no necessity to worry about “competing” with anyone else because there could never be two individuals who are exactly alike.

It doesn’t matter what the labels say or what the media portrays. Your individuality is your most important characteristic. It’s easy to get swept up in the hype but what you look like on the outside is meaningless compared to what you hold on the inside. The number one thing on your list should be things that make you unique. Think outside the box and make your own way, because eventually, your individuality will shine through to the masses, and you’ll be remembered for that instead.

(c). Be allies with other crossdressers

Beauty is an extremely challenging topic for many crossdressers. A variety of factors can weigh down a crossdresser’s sense of pride and comfort in our skin. But we must always remember that true confidence comes only through persistent dedication to self-love in spite of varied outside pressures and internal criticism. We can surely shower one another with authentic praise and admiration rather than sizing each other up with cold, suspicious once-overs. By our consciously positive reinforcement, we can build each other up and gain strength from within ourselves rather than putting down others around us.

Be allies with fellow crossdressers to destigmatize beauty standards. Train yourself to see the beauty in crossdressers of all ages, and backgrounds. It is important to remember that we are all different. No two crossdressers look the same. We should embrace the fact that we are all different, and not be ashamed that we don’t fit into an impossible mold.

We are proud crossdressers, and as such, we must not conform to preexisting beauty standards. Each of us must empower ourselves to demonstrate our utmost self-confidence in any way necessary. Together, little by little, let’s destigmatize crossdresser beauty standards!