Should Cross-Dressers Live a Double Life?

Cross-dressing in secret can be a real challenge. It’s even more difficult for those who do that in secret, living what some may call a double life. But it allows them to be their feminine selves for longer. This duality makes many of us consider living a double life, but we often end up in doubt due to the risks.

With that in mind, I want to help you figure out if it’s worth doing so. It depends on many different aspects of your cross-dressing experience, such as your schedule and motivation. If you want to know what has an impact and how strong it is, read this article before making up your mind.

1. The many reasons for cross-dressing

Before discussing other aspects of living a double life, let us focus on your reasons. What drives your will to dress up? What makes you persist and perfect your skills to look more feminine? It seems to be a dull question at first, but it’s quite important for this subject. And if you want an answer to your questions, you must find this one first. But don’t worry, I hope to help you figure it out.

Take, for example, those who dress up as a hobby. They generally do so at home, during short private sessions, in which they like to feel pretty and feminine. The way they do it varies according to how much privacy and free time they have. But the goal is usually the same as any other hobby out there. That is, to help them relieve some of the daily stress while keeping engaged in something they enjoy doing. That’s the power of serotonin. I want to clarify that cross-dressing as a hobby has little effect on your everyday life. It’s something you might do in secret without much trouble. So if you think of yourself as a “Hobbyist cross-dresser,” maybe you don’t need to worry too much about the rest.

When it comes to people who cross-dress due to some gender circumstances, it may be a rather complicated situation. I’m talking about our sisters who see cross-dressing as a way of life, part of their identity. In this case, many more factors are involved, and living a double life may be a plausible solution. With that in mind, if you identify with this category, keep reading, as I’ll elaborate on these other factors in depth.

2. How much time do they spend en femme?

Even if cross-dressing is a crucial part of your life, you must reflect upon how much time you plan to spend en femme. Living a double life implies that you want to live this second life as a woman or an assumed Queer person. It also depends on how much time you have available, due to your other obligations such as work or studies. This way, you can better understand how you must manage your cross-dressing life and what affairs may require your attention.

This issue more commonly affects those who have little time to conciliate two separate routines. Because of that, there’s a common misconception about time and motivation. A good example is cross-dressers who think of their experience as a hobby because they have little time to dress up further. Have such a concept in mind before you decide upon living a double life. If your expectations are too different from your reality, you might end up disappointed. Or at least struggle to maintain both lives. You must plan it according to the amount of time you have available and be prepared to be flexible if any unforeseen circumstances appear.

3. Who knows about it?

A double life, in its essence, means that you’ll be hiding your cross-dressing activities from those who are close to you. This is more common among those who live in conservative households or neighborhoods. It happens because they feel compelled to hide it from people they know due to the fear of prejudice and discrimination. But instead of repressing their true self, they express it around people who don’t mind it.

A common reality is that these cross-dressers interact with two different social circles that don’t know each other. It’s a way of preserving their identity and avoiding coming out to people who wouldn’t accept their cross-dressing habits. So if you think people close to you would turn out hostile towards you for coming out, then you might consider a double life, leaving them out of it.

But before you make such a decision, think about every detail of coming out to them. You can start by talking to people who you think would accept you and learning more about their views on gender. Soon enough, you might have an idea of a select list of people that you already know and to whom you could come out without problems. If you manage to present femme near them, you might not need to find a whole new group of friends. Sometimes, it’s a matter of dialogue that can save you a lot of effort. But there’s no problem in making new friends, even if you already have people to support you. Consider that when planning, so even if you decide to live a double life, you can trust these people and make them part of it.

4. About the intention

It takes us to a whole new debate: your intentions upon living a double life. As we’ve seen before, the most common reason is to feel free to express your feminine side without living in fear of what other people will think. But other different intentions are equally valid and worthy of respect. I’ll mention some of them here because different intents may require different approaches to accomplish your goals.

If you seek adventure and excitement, keep in mind that you’ll have more fun cross-dressing at night. Dress up and do your makeup, then head to a pub or bar far from where you live. If possible, drive to a nearby city, minimizing the risks of running into someone you know. You want to be a place where people haven’t met you yet, and will only know your feminine persona. It adds a layer of mystery to your personality, and these random encounters will make things more interesting. This way, you get a fresh start, away from your past and your masculine life.

If you’re looking after understanding and acceptance, you must go to a more specialized place. You must check if it’s somewhere where cross-dressers, trans people, and the LGBTQIA+ community are welcome. If other Queer people are in the same space as you, the chances are that you feel like you belong there. It’s good to escape discrimination by uniting with others like you. It helps the community to grow stronger as a whole and encourages both communion and companionship. Another bonus is that cross-dressers can always share their experiences, learning from each other in the process.

Now, if what you want is to improve your techniques to better express your feminine side, try cross-dressing clubs and beauty salons. There you’ll be able to practice and perfect your skills, among other things. Make sure you go there in the company of some other cross-dressing friends. It helps improve your confidence and avoid discrimination. This is something most of us cant do in our everyday life, so a secondary life is a way o making such dreams come true.

5. A few more things to consider

Before you can make your final decision about living or not having a double life, I want you to think about a few more things, our final considerations. First, If you are in a relationship, make sure you have a conversation with your significant other. Relationships are built on trust, and not talking to them can lead to the worst possible outcomes if you ever get caught. In addition to that, you should always have a handful of excuses ready if some questions appear.

Living a second life as a cross-dresser also requires being a good secret-keeper. Try not to give too much detail about your personal life to coworkers or even close friends. Also, avoid coming up with elaborate lies, as they are easy to come undone. Use simple excuses and confidentiality instead.

So cross-dressers may or may not live double lives according to their particular experiences. It is a somewhat risky journey but may bring some benefits for the bold ones in our community. If you feel like there’s room for dialogue and some people may understand you, a double life may be an extreme measure. But if you can’t bear to live your current life, hiding your true self, this is the best alternative. At least in a sense, to change things with less immediate consequences. Just be careful not to sit upon a throne of lies or hurt the feelings of those who trust you. Do you think this is the solution for you? Let us know! Leave a comment and tell us more about your views on that.

Quiz:

In your opinion, what makes cross-dressers want to live a double life?

A. Being unable to be themselves


B. The call of adventure and excitement


C. A desire for a feeling of belonging

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