How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Cisgender Women?

Comparison is the thief of joy. The saying is true! The natural tendency is that we usually compare ourselves to others. We want what others have, and we want to be like other people. If it’s a favorable comparison, it can actually help, but if it’s negative and borderline obsessive, this can be a problem. It makes us unappreciative of what we have and what we’re doing. It also makes us feel bad about ourselves. Indeed, comparison is a losing game. It’s easy to feel jealous or bitter when we think we have less than others. And especially for us crossdressers, we tend to compare ourselves to cisgender women.

A cisgender woman is a person who was born with a female body and identified as being a woman. Cisgender is a joint term for people who are the gender you were assigned at birth. In hindsight, as crossdressers, we seek to emulate what a woman would naturally do and act like. We always do everything we can to achieve our goal, but sometimes it’s not enough.

This could lead us in the direction of comparing ourselves to cisgender women. It can be self-destructive. We tend to compare every little aspect of our appearance, from our hair down to the way we dress or which makeup color goes best with us. It’s easy for us to get swallowed into all of that and lose perspective. In reality, this is never going to make us truly happy. It’s a harsh reality that there will be people who have more than us, but it’s more important to focus on the things we have and be grateful. It’s essential to focus on our happiness. 

The only way to be content is by remembering that we live our best life out loud by being ourselves. Comparison is arguably one of the leading causes of unhappiness and depression. We shouldn’t let ourselves get stuck in this trap. It may be hard to overcome a natural tendency, but it’s possible with the right mindset and help. Being content is crucial to our happiness. This is the most critical part of life and will lead to an overall happier life and attitude. So, let’s celebrate our self-image and take pride in who we are.

1. What is a cisgender woman?

A cisgender woman is someone who is born with female genitalia and identifies as a woman. A cisgender woman is a woman whose birth gender matches her gender. Cis- means on the same side, and gender refers to one’s perceived gender. The prefix cis- points on the same side, and the Latin root gender refers to one’s personal sense of gender.

Our society operates under the notion that there are only two genders, male and female. People who identify as transgender or non-binary often challenge this understanding of gender by saying gender is a manufactured social construct. This means clothing, gender roles, and identity shouldn’t be restricted to what one’s anatomy may suggest about their gender at birth. In recent decades many have argued that we don’t have to limit our behavior regarding clothing, activities, or relationship choices according to the sex we are assigned.

That is exactly what crossdressing is all about. Essentially, we go to lengths for us to embody a feminine appearance. There are many steps, sometimes expensive and time-consuming, like makeup application, what wig to wear, and what dress or wear. It’s not at all wrong to compare, especially if one is drawing inspiration from a cisgender woman. But despite all of this, we may still not look exactly how we want to, which out of frustration can eventually lead to self-destruction or even more severe such as depression.

2. Tips to stop comparing yourself to cisgender women?

When one is in the world of crossdressing and coming to terms with one’s identity, some things can be challenging to handle. We may suddenly find ourselves comparing and wishing to be a cisgender woman. But before letting ourselves in a downward spiral of bad self-esteem, it may be a good idea to learn how to accept ourselves for who we are. It can be tough not to compare ourselves to cisgender women.

It’s about subtracting ourselves from society, which is the problem here. Even though the differences between a cisgender woman and us may seem obvious, there are many ways that we make us the same. Think about it. We may have been born a man and not a woman, but how we live our lives is similar. Learning to accept ourselves for who we indeed are will lead to a happier life. Our life doesn’t have to be a constant battle to look at someone else.

We should try to surround ourselves with supportive peers and be confident! One way to do that is to think of how we’re similar to cisgender women. For example, we both embody the feminine vibe. We both love fashion and dressing up and are into makeup and beautifying ourselves. While there are some differences between cisgender women and us, there are more similarities. There’s a way to break free from those chains. It’s going to be a slow process, with many setbacks and failures along the way, but if one can become self-confident, we’ll be able to feel good about ourselves while interacting with other people.

3. How comparison could be destructive

Any comparison can be destructive. When we’re comparing ourselves to someone else, we’re missing out on the great things we already possess. When we keep bringing up our flaws and not our strengths, we will constantly feel bad about ourselves. If we compare ourselves, it leads to feeling a lack of worth and feeling like a loser. Comparison leads to a lack of accomplishment and a feeling of the inability to change one’s circumstances. It makes us feel like we’re not good enough and feels like we are lacking something. This leads to us feeling inferior, thus resulting in loneliness and depression. Comparison is indeed destructive to our self-esteem.

Making comparisons of ourselves to other people is one of the worst things we can do. By doing so, we create a situation where we’re constantly focusing on what we don’t have and what others do have. Never compare people to others. Let’s do crossdressing for ourselves and not for others. To do this, we should focus on our strengths.

4. Ways to focus on yourself

In today’s day and age, it’s easy to compare ourselves to cisgender women and feel like we’re not good enough. But that’s not true! In fact, it’s a lot of fun to discover things about ourselves and be proud of what we’re capable of! Being a crossdresser is a great thing, and we should embrace that. And who cares if people tell us we are not this or that. That is their issue, not ours! So, to be more self-confident, we should learn to focus on ourselves. It doesn’t have to be anything drastic! Let us allow ourselves time to be at peace!

We will take a deep look at how to stay happy and fulfilled with ourselves. Here’s how to avoid comparing ourselves to cisgender women. First, evaluate the situation. Is there truly a problem, or are we just being negative? If the condition is genuinely harmful, then solve it! If the case is our attitude towards the matter, then we need to address that.

The next thing we need to do is regroup and focus on what is truly important. This may mean getting rid of some unrealistic standards and expectations that we have set for ourselves. We should remember that we are no better or worse than anyone else. We all have our own gifts, talents, and flaws. Additionally, accepting oneself is the key, which will make us less likely to compare ourselves to others. We should be proud of the person we are and be proud of our bodies!

● Focus on positivity

Crossdressing is fun and exciting! It’s important to remember that we’re still embodying that femininity no matter what. We’re not just men who wear clothing of the opposite gender, and that like to dress up and have a little fun occasionally. Let’s practice not comparing ourselves to cisgender women. They have their struggles, and comparing ourselves to them won’t do us any good.

Rather than focusing on the aspects that make us feel less of a person or not enough, focus on the positives of crossdressing. If a negative thought pops into our head, follow it with a positive one. Realize that dressing up could never make us less of a man because we are ourselves and shouldn’t have to. To be truly happy, we need to focus on what we have. They say the grass always seems greener on the other side, but it’s not. Just be yourself, focus on your own life and do what makes you happy. 

● Find support

With a little bit of searching, we can find many online communities of crossdressers who are going through the same thing as us. While it is not a one-size-fits-all solution, many people who have gone through the process of crossdressing will be more than happy to talk to and help us get through the tricky parts.

It’s important to remember that we are not alone in this. We are actually part of a community, a community of supportive and resilient people. The crossdressing community is a community that offers support. And knowing that we aren’t alone can be a considerable comfort. 

I would say as a fellow crossdresser, you should never compare yourself to cisgender women. Cisgender women are beautiful in their own right; however, they are not you. You are you! You were born a crossdresser so enjoy it! Get some good heels to wear with your feminine clothes. Learn how to do your makeup. Do lots of pampering. Have your nails done! Be grateful that you can wear feminine clothes. Be thankful always and love yourself! You get a double thumbs up from me.