What to Do if You’re Caught Crossdressing

Each crossdresser has its priorities and reality. Some of us are out as crossdressers and glad to be so.

But some others have insecurities or circumstances that make it difficult for them to open up. It’s normal for them to keep it a secret.

And if you are one of those, it’s okay to be afraid of people finding it out. But what would you do if someone actually did?

It’s important to understand what your options are. In reasonable situations, you can talk your way out of embarrassing situations.

Try to explain yourself and let people know who you are. But extreme situations may require drastic measures.

To better understand the outcomes and elaborate a plan, I’ll list a few options and how to proceed with them.

My goal is to make them clear for our crossdressing sisters so they can see what is better suited for them.

1. Understand your situation

It would be best if you thought about your reality and how people around you would react to this information.

But above all, you need to think about who found it. In most cases, it’s someone who’ll keep it a secret or have a moderate reaction.

Having someone catch you crossdressing doesn’t mean that your secret will be ruined.

You may still be able to prevent other people from finding out, such as your boss or conservative relatives. But it all depends on who finds out.

If you keep your crossdressing habits a secret, chances are that you have a reason to do so.

But sometimes, it’s all a matter of dialogue, and anxiety makes things look worse than they actually are.

Some of the insecurities we have may not reflect our true situation.

With that in mind, before elaborating further, I want you to think about your reality.

Talk to people around you, and try to find out what they think about the subject.

That’s so you can avoid rash decisions and other mistakes.

2. Try to explain as if you’re coming out

If you’re caught and confronted about being a crossdresser, the best thing you can do is tell the truth.

I know some of us can come up with decent excuses, but once you’re caught, people may not believe in you.

And being known as a crossdresser is way better than as a liar.

Use it as an opportunity to come out, at least to the person who caught you crossdressing.

It may also be a means of expressing or even figuring out who you are.

Depending on their reaction, you may acquire an ally or at least a confidant to whom you can talk.

It’s also useful to do some research and get familiar with some terms regarding gender identity.

Take your time to figure out these things, and use it to educate whoever caught you.

It helps to break the ignorance. People fear what they don’t understand, and spreading information is the only way to stop that.

Make it clear that you aren’t hurting anyone and that you’re just expressing yourself in a way you feel comfortable with.

3. Come to terms with who caught you

Sometimes, we’re caught by those whom we least expect. It may be someone who wouldn’t have any significant impact on our lives.

But, if you want to make sure your secret is safe, talk to them nonetheless.

To avoid the eventual spread of this information, explain the situation to that person.

Once caught, the best thing you can do is to explain yourself and hope for comprehension.

Tell them how important it is for you that it stays a secret and that you’re just being yourself.

If the person is someone who lives with you, it may be necessary that you reach an agreement.

To do so, you need to think about a situation that satisfies both parties.

Consider crossdressing when you’re alone or on specific days in a week.

Ask for more privacy and respect other people’s spaces.

It would be best if you expressed what you want to do and heard what they have to say as well.

That’s supposed to ensure both parts end up happy and comfortable.

For example, once I came out as non-binary, I reached an agreement with my parents.

They were quite comprehensive and told me they loved me nonetheless.

But they also told me that, at least for now, it was difficult for them to see me as anything other than their son.

We agreed that I could keep crossdressing, but they didn’t want to see me doing that.

And, of course, as long as I did all my laundry since they preferred not to see my feminine outfits.

Dialogue here is the key to a healthy relationship with your family.

If you want some more tips about this kind of agreement, this video may help you:

4. Respect other people’s feelings

For some people, discovering that someone close to them is a crossdresser may be a shock.

There’s no way to tell someone is a crossdresser at sight.

And because of that, people are often clueless when they find out.

The shock of the moment may cause them not to think straight and say things in the heat of the moment.

Sometimes, they may just leave without saying a word and refuse to talk about it.

Or even pretend that nothing happened. This seems to be the most common situation to happen when crossdressers are caught.

It’s normal for them to feel like that, and the best thing we can do is respect such feelings.

Society has a lot of taboos and dilemmas, and people tend to feel unprepared while facing them.

Keep in mind that no one fully understands what another person is going through.

Give them some time to think and process the information.

Wait for a couple of days, or even a week, until everyone calms down.

After that, you talk to them. This way, things will settle down, and you can expect them to understand better what is happening to you.

5. Ask for some time to calm down

Sometimes, the shock comes in the opposite direction. Of course, you may not expect ever to be caught crossdressing.

So, if it happens, you may feel overwhelmed by fear and anxiety.

You’re a human being as well, and it’s normal to be affected by these emotions.

But you won’t be thinking straight if they affect you.

The situation may be embarrassing, and it will bring up many questions about you.

But chances are that you won’t be able to answer them right away.

The best alternative is to ask for some time to think.

Explain that this is a very awkward situation and that you’d like to answer the questions later.

There’s nothing wrong with that. It helps you to escape from all the heat and pressure from the “shock” moment.

As I’ve said before, you may use this time to do some research to help you explain things.

Elaborate your speech, and use the previous topics to highlight the most important subjects.

If you’re insecure about talking to them in person, write a letter or an e-mail.

Doing so may help you to release the pressure and put your thoughts in order.

6. What to do in most extreme situations

We live in a polarized world with many beliefs and different opinions.

It’s possible that your family discovers but does not accept it, and the reactions may vary.

So, if the worst happens, or if you feel that it may be possible, be prepared.

First of all, you’ll need a safe place to stay and someone you can trust.

I’ve heard of people getting kicked out of their houses by conservative parents who didn’t accept who they were.

It leaves you with little alternatives, but there are some.

◆ Stay at a friend’s house

Sometimes, we meet people who might be supportive of trans people or crossdressers.

Generally, a relative or a friend. If you think your home is no longer a safe space, you can ask for their support.

Please make a list of people that could help you, explain what happened, and ask for their support.

Chances are that someone will let you spend some time at their house, at least until you find another place to stay.

◆ Try social assistance

If you can’t manage to contact someone you know, try humanitarian support and social assistance.

Most countries nowadays have NGOs and other organizations that may help you.

They may offer you a place to stay and even a lawyer, depending on what happened to you.

They also ensure your safety and well-being.

Here are some examples (Most of them are centered around trans folk but may also assist crossdressers):

A crossdressing life is far from easy. If you’re not ready to come out, being caught can be a true nightmare.

It’s always a possibility and may happen when you least expect it.

With that in mind, you should analyze your situation and be prepared.

Try to understand what people around and close to you think about it.

This way, you’ll know who you can count on if the worst happens.

Respect other people’s feelings, but most importantly, respect your own.

Keep in mind that no one is born prepared, so it’s okay if one or both parts need some time to think.

Were you ever caught crossdressing before coming out? Let us know! Tell your story in the comments down below.