Purging: What Is It And Why Do We Do It

We’ve all thrown away our girlie things while swearing off using them again.

Purging is likely something every crossdresser has done at least once.

I can remember my first purge; I was about to move out of the family home, and I didn’t want anyone to discover them in my room when I was away.

I found an old coffee can, poured some lighter fluid over my only bra, tights, and panties, and burned them all.

This isn’t one I regret much, but I’ve had others in which I lost items that I now only wish I had back.

I’m sure everyone has had moments where you’ve binned items in frustration or shame, swearing that you’ll never go back. However, we usually do, and the cycle goes on and on.

1. What is purging?

Simply, it means to throw away all of your feminine clothes, toys, make, or whatever you use that makes you feel feminine.

However, it’s important to note that purging isn’t just a spring cleaning of older items that can be given to goodwill or just thrown away; it’s an action motivated by fear, anxiety, or shame.

It’s also important to realize that the decision to purge probably isn’t an impulsive one. You’ve probably been mulling it for days or weeks beforehand, dealing with conflicting feelings about self-identity, shame, and guilt.

2. Why do we purge?

From my experience, I’ve felt two motivations for purging: fear of being found out and not wanting to explain my feminine items and a desire to give up my habit forever.

I think these motivations are quite common, but they are by no means the only reasons. Other reasons could be unhappiness with your feminine appearance, anxiety about you’re the role your feminine habits are playing in your life, and a desire to return to a totally masculine existence to conform to societal expectations.

3. Purging is hardly ever ‘forever’

Lots of us will do a total purge of all of our items, hoping to abandon our feminine selves forever.

The first time I purged my feminine items, I knew it wasn’t going to be forever. I didn’t know when I’d have an opportunity to dress again or buy new lingerie, but I knew my curiosity wasn’t finished. I’ve subsequently purged, thinking I was done, just being dissatisfied with my feminine self and turning my back on her.

It might be a week, a month, or even years, but the motivation to cross-dress will likely return.  Lots of fellow crossdressers will report that the desire grows stronger after a purge and a period of abstinence.

When the feeling of dressing again builds up again, we’ll usually cave in and buy some new panties or whatever spurred our interest.

For me, after my first purge, the interest returned when I was doing a summer session at college and finally had a dorm room to myself.

After a week or two on my own, I built up the courage to go to H&M and, with my heart beating and my face red with embarrassment, bought a bra and panty set.

4. Advice for a more constructive purge

Over time, I’ve accepted my feminine urges to cross-dress and feel girly from time to time.

Still, shame does creep in, and even more than that, an extreme disappointment with my feminine appearance.  Even though that disappointment exists, I don’t consider it a reason to get rid of anything and everything.

After all, items like breast forms and shapewear can be quite expensive.  I’d like to offer some tips for when you feel a need to purge so that you don’t constantly need to rebuy items at considerable expense.

First of all, clothing is going to be the easiest to replace.  Women are constantly evaluating their wardrobes and getting rid of clothes that no longer fit their looks or appear flattering.  This can be a bit more difficult as a crossdresser because maybe that tight black mini-dress makes us feel sexy, even though it might not be the best choice for our age or body type.

That tidying TV show in which you’re asked to pick up all your items to see which ‘spark joy’ was particularly useful for me;  I’ve moved from country to country and really had to think hard about which of my cross-dressing items to pack.  My favorite red lacy bra, yes; the maximum coverage one that held my forms securely but was easily replaced, got shoved in the bottom of a charity donation.

Also, I’ve made sure to keep all of the original packaging for my breast forms, breastplates, and other foundation garments.  Securely pack these away and put them into a longer-term storage location, such as a high shelf in a seldom-used closet or attic.

The idea here is simply out of sight, out of mind.  Roanyer’s items also come packaged in a sturdy box and plastic bag with secure closing that can ensure a long lifespan.

5. Is it possible to give up purging?

Honestly, I’m not sure about this one.  From my readings on crossdressing forums, it seems this varies from person to person.

The common thread among those who seem to be able to keep their purges to a minimum is an accepting partner and mental clarity about their own identity.

So far, I think I’ve become fairly secure by accepting my cross-dressing desires.

However, I still hide away my breast forms whenever I begin dating someone new, fearing rejection or ridicule.  That being said, I wouldn’t ever throw them away or move house without them.

All of this being said, I guess purging is all a part of a normal psychological process of self-acceptance.  The more often you purge, perhaps it’s related to the more questions you ask yourself about your identity and desires.

I’m curious to know more about your experiences and advice for those of us dealing with the urge to purge or feeling regretful about a past purging of your feminine items.

Overcoming the need to cleanse ourselves of this guilt, shame, or disappointment is a step that we’ll all likely need to confront at some point, and having some support is always helpful.