How to Provide Emotional Support to a Crossdressing Friend or Partner

If you’re a crossdressing trans person, or even if you are neither, chances are that you know someone who is.

And if you’re an open-minded person, you may recognize them as valid and want to support them.

In a society with as many prejudices as ours, it’s difficult to understand the discrimination other individuals go through.

And because of that, it may be hard to know how to support them emotionally or in any other way.

Sometimes, we may feel useless and unable to help someone important to us.

With that in mind, this article may help you to help them.

You must, above everything else, understand and respect their identity and personality.

Not every crossdresser or trans person is the same.

Each identity is somewhat unique yet still valid.

If you really want to help and support, make sure the person knows they’re safe with you.

Offer them a place to stay and dress up when needed, and try to understand what they’re going through.

This article is focused on both crossdresser and non-cross-dressing individuals.

We all may have someone important to us who may need some help in order to be safe.

And it’s quite natural to want to help them.

Those tips shall fit a considerable amount of situations, and make a real difference for those who care.

1. Understand Crossdressing People‘s identity

If you want to be supportive of someone, you need to show them respect.

And comprehension is the very first step towards respect.

With that in mind, I encourage you to ask the person you want to support how they identify.

It would be best if you took note of this information, so you can better understand who they are on the inside.

There are many different gender identities, but here are some that are more common to come across due to a number of factors:

● Cisgender crossdresser

A person who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth is considered to be either an ano or a woman.

However, crossdressers do not conform to gender standards of clothing and like to dress as the opposite gender.

They might do so for several reasons, such as for fun, to express themselves, or just because they feel comfortable.

Either way, a crossdresser is still valid and worthy of respect.

But do not mistake them for trans people, which not all of them are.

● Transgender person

To be transgender means that you identify with a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth.

For example, some people were assigned males due to their genitals and chromosomes.

But who identifies themselves as women due to gender roles and beauty standards?

They may want to live as women full-time and to be perceived as so.

To achieve that, they go through some surgeries and therapies to transition from one gender to another and to be more accepted into society.

● Non-binary people

The previous topic referred to binary trans people who identify as either male or female.

Non-binary people, or enbys for short, are still trans, as they do not conform with the gender assigned to them at birth.

However, they do not identify solely as a man or woman.

It varies from one person to another and may be quite difficult to tell.

The best thing you can do is to ask them about their identity.

2. Respect Crossdressing People‘s Pronouns

Pronouns are also important when you’re talking to a trans person.

For example, if you refer to a trans woman with masculine pronouns, they may feel invalid and upset.

This is the very opposite of how you want to make them feel if you’re aiming for emotional support.

With that in mind, it’s important to call them by the proper pronouns.

And I do mean proper instead of preferred, which is an outdated and invalidating term.

Usually, trans-masculines go by He/him, and trans-members go by She/her.

But it’s not a rule either. It’s okay to feel comfortable with different pronouns at different stages of transition.

Crossdressers and boys are more likely to have different or unusual pronouns.

For example, a male crossdresser may want masculine pronouns, except while they’re dressed up as a girl.

And sometimes go by gender-neutral pronouns such as They/them.

With that in mind, when starting a conversation with someone whose gender isn’t clear, ask them their pronouns first.

It shows that you’re open to learning and means to be respectful towards them.

I also recommend you check their social media profiles.

Trans people and crossdressers tend to have their pronouns described there.

It is really important to try and learn someone’s pronouns if you want to help them.

Otherwise, they may think you’re invalidating their identities and become upset.

3. Offer crossdressing people a place to stay or to dress up

Sometimes, it’s the best we can do. It may end up saving lives.

What I mean is that a good percentage of us crossdressers are still closeted.

This means we may not have a proper place to dress up or at least have some privacy.

That is, it may not be safe for them to dress up at home, and they have little privacy there.

In some cases, it may be even dangerous for them, and they have nowhere else to stay.

If you know someone in these conditions, the best thing you can do for them is to offer a place to stay.

At least until they find somewhere else or find a job, I’m sure it will mean a lot to them, and you may even be saving a life by doing so.

People who offer a safe place for trans people and crossdressers may prevent abuses or even suicide attempts.

So, I want to encourage you to think about that and double-check if you can offer them a place to stay, dress up, and at least sleep if the worst happens.

4. Respect Crossdressing People‘s Time

Do not tell anyone about the gender of someone else.

It’s pure disrespect and mistreatment of their trust.

Each person comes out as they think it’s the right time.

In most cases, they tell a person at a time or a few friends at once.

If they told you that, do not spread it unless they tell you that’s okay.

We must let each person come out at their own pace and let them complete their journey.

Someone discovering that before they think it’s time can be a truly traumatizing experience.

Discrimination towards these minorities is a serious problem.

We never know how other people will react to finding out the said person is also a crossdresser.

So, if someone trusts you with this kind of information, do not think that you can get them out of the closet like that.

Keep it a secret unless the person tells you otherwise.

And even if that’s the case, double-check and ask them again before doing so.

It’s better to be sure than to cause more problems to them.

5. Make Crossdressing People feel safe

Feeling safe as a crossdresser is quite difficult in a society with so much discrimination.

I know things are changing for the better and that society is starting to accept us for what we are.

It seems that we’re going towards a bright future. But present times aren’t as bright.

Bigotry is still a reality, and queer folks are among the most discriminated.

So, when you talk to a crossdresser or a trans person, make sure they feel safe around you.

It allows them to trust and befriend you instead of being afraid you’ll mistreat them.

Here are some things you can do to achieve that:

● Do not ask stuff that makes crossdressing people uncomfortable

It’s okay to ask about their identities and pronouns.

But avoid asking too much about their past, their dead name, and especially about genitals.

I mean, you wouldn’t ask a stranger what they’ve got in their pants, would you?

● Avoid transphobic jokes

These are just offensive.

It makes you look like a bigot and seem like you wouldn’t respect them for who they are.

It will also make them feel uncomfortable and unsafe around you.

● Show crossdressing people you are open to learning

It’s okay if you do something wrong. But try to notice if it happens.

Everyone can learn from mistakes. Ask them what you can do better, and show that you care about their feelings.

They will feel important, respected, and valid if you do so.

Trans people and crossdressers are usually mistreated and repressed by society.

Things are changing, but the world is still dangerous for many of us.

If you care for a crossdresser or transgender, you know you can do a lot to help and support them.

Comprehension is the key to success here, followed by respect.

Try to understand what they have to go through and treat them as any other human being.

They are worthy of love and care as much as anyone else.

But the most important thing is for you to let them know what they mean to you.

Do you consider yourself an ally? Use the comments to tell us how you feel and who you want to help!

Learn More：

Tips to Satisfy Partner as Crossdresser