How to Overcome the Thought of Not Being Perfect Crossdresser

Throughout our journeys as crossdressers, we may come across a lot of thoughts of self-doubt. Insecurities are common, and our self-esteem may suffer from this kind of harmful thought. Much of them come from a fear of not being perfect or feminine enough.

And if it happens to you, it may be because of the expectations that society imposes on you.

It’s not your fault, but these feelings are bad for your well-being.

To overcome them, you need to understand the truth behind unrealistic beauty standards.

By doing so, you may succeed in getting rid of other people’s expectations.

It’s also important to deal with body dysmorphism to accept and be comfortable with your body.

Besides that, you should start looking at real women to change your standards into a more realistic parameter.

Once you understand it, you may notice an improvement in your well-being and self-esteem.

My goal is to help you put away the thoughts of being imperfect or not feminine enough, and to fulfill that; I have some useful tips.

Make sure you read as much as possible about them so you can adapt each one to your context and get the most out of it.

1. Understand that modern beauty standards are unrealistic

From a young age, we are overwhelmed with tons of publicity content that enforces unrealistic beauty standards.

All that is propaganda, and you’re not expected ever to achieve such stereotypes.

The goal of this kind of advertisement is to convince you that you need to look like that.

This way, you buy whatever they’re trying to sell you.

They use slim, curvy girls with large breasts and big butts.

Also, they put a lot of video and image editing efforts into it.

They use Photoshop and other editors to make their appearance even more appealing.

That’s the kind of image we see every day on the streets in banners, posters, stores, malls, and on TV.

In recent years, this kind of sales strategy has become the target of various criticisms.

Now, companies are trying to change their image. It’s more common to see real-life people in advertising campaigns.

It helps to change beauty standards.

As we’re now given somewhat realistic parameters, future generations may suffer less from this kind of pressure.

But the ads from decades ago were intense and may have affected you when you were younger.

This may be true, especially if you were born in the ’80s or early ’90s, as the use of Photoshop in beauty advertisements was at its peak when you were a teenager.

For trans people and crossdressers, the effects of this kind of propaganda may be even worse.

That’s because we started to associate these standards with the general idea of femininity.

And if you’re assigned male at birth, your body is most likely far away from matching these parameters.

We might go as far as to consider the unrealistic, but that doesn’t stop us from being feminine and accepted.

2. Don’t let other people’s expectations guide you

With that in mind, you must remember that other people may also be affected by old marketing strategies.

Everyone’s exposed to all sorts of unrealistic standards.

To make things worse, they may have some internalized bigotry within them, making it even more difficult for them to accept you.

It is not entirely their fault, but you must remember that you don’t owe anything to them in terms of appearance either.

So, if someone happens to say something mean about the way you look, don’t take them seriously.

It was probably because they had to associate unrealistic standards with the concept of femininity.

It happens to a lot of people, but you shouldn’t let their opinions guide you since they also have distorted views on what it means to be a woman or to be feminine.

Keep in mind that when you dress up, your goal is to be yourself and to attend to your expectations.

Of course, each one of us has a different and unique motivation to crossdress.

But at the end of the day, we are doing that for ourselves and our purposes, not because someone else said we should.

If you feel like you need to look like that which other people have as the idealized idea of a beautiful woman, you’re not being yourself.

You’re putting an effort into becoming who other people think you should be.

And many times, it’s almost impossible for us to attend to such expectations, which may lead you towards depression.

So, to avoid the feeling of lack of accomplishments and insufficiency, you must first let go of other people’s expectations.

3. Accept your body as it is and embrace your femininity

It’s easier said than done, and you probably heard this sentence more times than I can count.

But it’s still a big truth and a goal worth pursuing.

It requires quite a lot of self-knowledge and introspection, but that’s far from being impossible.

Our search for the perfect feminine body is valid, but if we lose control of it, it may be harmful to both our physical and psychological health.

Accepting your body as valid and feminine will take some time, but it’s worth the effort.

Start by realizing that women come in many shapes, sizes, and colors.

The beauty of femininity is that variety may be found in every aspect of women.

And all of them are feminine enough to be validated as such.

The way they look has nothing to do with their gender identity, and their bodies are real.

And so is yours, no matter how unique it is.

The sense of perfection comes from made-up values and idealized beauty standards and has nothing to do with reality.

You’re valid and feminine enough, even if that’s unique. It just makes you more special as a person.

4. Dealing with body dysmorphism

Body dysmorphism, sometimes referred to as ‘dysphoria”, is a serious problem among crossdressers.

And even more common among trans people.

It consists of being uncomfortable with your body and feeling like it should be different.

This feeling is bad for our self-esteem and may cause self-destructive thoughts.

But as our bodies rarely match our expectations, you must learn how to deal with dysphoria.

● Hormonal replacement therapy

HRT, for short, is a kind of therapy that uses hormones to change your body’s features.

It’s more recommended for trans people, as the results tend to be more permanent, but some crossdressers may also benefit from it.

It’s an overall feminization strategy and can help with the most severe cases of dysphoria. But results take some time to start showing.

● Psychological therapy

A psychologist or a psychiatrist may help you overcome dysphoria as well.

They will talk to you and aid you in validating yourself.

This kind of therapy is useful in reducing cases of body dysmorphism to an extent.

But as it does not affect your body, you should pair it with HRT or regular crossdressing sessions.

● Use real women as a parameter

By “real women,” I mean women that exist in real life. It includes cis and trans women and other crossdressers as well.

My point is that you should stop comparing yourself to fictional characters and advertisements full of editing.

If you need new parameters, go to the street and look around you.

You’ll see dozens of women with a wide variety of bodies.

All of them are real, and you are very likely to find a few that look similar to you.

After that, you should look for other similar examples.

Watch shows with diversified casts, and look for advertisements with real people in them.

And avoid comparing yourself to people in Photoshopped imagery.

It will help you to reformulate your set of influences with realistic parameters and transition goals.

You’ll be way more likely to achieve such objectives and to feel fulfilled after doing so.

It’s better for your self-esteem, and this way, you can overcome the thought of not being perfect or feminine enough.

After being exposed to unrealistic standards for a long time, it’s quite common for us to develop insecurities.

Even cis women suffer from that, and they are already feminine in a biological sense.

So people like us who struggle to express our femininity, those insecurities are almost unavoidable.

But we can overcome them with practice, hard work, and patience.

First, we must break free from unrealistic standards and expectations that were imposed upon us.

Set your priorities straight, and crossdress according to your goals.

It’s a personal experience, and as such, you must fulfill only your expectations.

Other people have their own lives and opinions, so their expectations should be imposed on you.

Feel free to be yourself, and remember that you are as valid as any other woman you see on the streets.

They are real, and so are you.

With that in mind, we would love to hear how you deal with this kind of thought, so make sure to tell us in the comments below!

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