Going Out en Femme – How to Get the Breakthrough

If you’re one of us, sisters in crossdressing, you surely know the scenario.

After countless times of becoming a woman in private, while safe indoors in your house, you start to crave something more.

You honed skills of completing outfits and mastered all fabulous make-up styles, but they are not giving you that much joy anymore if there’s no one to witness it – am I right?

Don’t worry, it’s only natural when you get through the phase of accepting yourself as – less or more, dependable of what angle on feminization you’re representing – a woman.

Pretty often the next step, by all the reasons and the logic, seems to be seeking acceptance outside of our own minds too.

After all, society is one of the biggest validation sources we can find.

Showing our feminine side to other people is what can give us a huge boost in that exciting feeling of being a woman.

If that’s the natural next step, why do so many crossdressers never do it in public though?

There may be a few different reasons to stop us from going out en femme, all of them causing a crippling insecurity.

What are those reasons, and what can we do about them?

Let’s try to have an honest look at that matter.

I am not ready to be seen 

If that’s what stops you from enjoying the outdoors in your most fashionable outfit, I may have bad news for you.

There’s a high chance you’ll never be ready. Stay with me though, as I am not referring to your look.

I’m talking about your lack of belief in yourself. One of the biggest obstacles you can meet on your way to your own happiness is yourself.

You’re the first person you have to convince you can do it, and if you won’t accept yourself as a woman – not perfect, with some flaws for sure, yet still wonderful in your own unique way.

You probably will feel judged by other people regardless of what they’re really thinking.

It may sound like some kind of coaching cliche, but I think it’s just a basic truth.

Of course, if you’re a beginner, it’s only fair to feel you’re not ready to show yourself to the world.

It’s okay, you’ll get there. But don’t stay in that phase forever.

You have to let it go someday – if being who you are in front of your mirror is making you happy, then you can do it in front of different people as well.

And don’t get down that you might not look like Instagram models or Hollywood actresses.

The truth is, very few women really look like that.

The world is full of women who are not perfect, so you don’t have to either.

I’m afraid of being recognized as a man

Let’s face it – there’s always some risk of it.

And I’m aware that in some places, towns, or even whole countries being different from cis people may be quite dangerous for you.

That’s why your safety will be brought up in the next paragraph.

Here, let’s talk a bit about being recognized.

No one wants to spend an hour or three preparing themselves to look like a woman, only to get called a man.

How to avoid that kind of stressful situation and get yourself in the zone for a peaceful walk?

Personally, I decided to stick to my rule of Triple M. What does every M stand for?

Modesty, Mediocracy, and Minding Your Own Business!

Modesty

Bold, revealing outfits can be quite a temptation for your walk out in public, especially if you’re a lucky owner of some crossdressing products from Roanyer.

If you can’t be your feminine self every day, it’s easy to feel obliged to make up for it once you get a chance to do so.

Why not show off some of these sexy shapes then, will you ask, to show how much of a female you are?

The answer is: that you don’t want to drag that much attention to yourself on your first walk en femme.

Nudity, even if it’s only partial, is a total eye-bringer in our society.

And the more time some eyes spend checking you out, the more they see.

And that can also include things you’d prefer to keep hidden.

And believe me – you don’t want to be in the center of every stranger’s attention on your first casual stroll.

I don’t say cleavage or short dresses are totally forbidden for you.

I just advise you to keep it at some relatively modest level, especially if you’re going to be all by yourself.

Many cute, adorable outfits can make quite the impression without revealing too much.

That would also apply to choosing your shape-changing accessories.

Your glamorous S-cup breast forms can make quite a commotion, so it’s smart to keep them for special events, parties, or at least situations when you’re lucky to have a companion giving you a feeling of safety.

Take it all under consideration before your high-heeled march to the world and you should be fine.

Mediocracy

Before you get yourself all dolled up for your big day, spend some time taking notes about other women’s outfits in your area.

And I mean not only these girls, who are instantly attracting your attention.

I’m talking about females, who were not bringing a second glance to themselves so easily.

If you want to avoid any unwanted attention, your best way is to mimic their everyday style.

I know, it may not sound that exciting and I bet you have many absolutely fabulous outfits, who are just waiting to show them to the world!

Your cute anime cosplay, though? It will be a great idea for some comic conventions.

Glamorous, shiny gown with feather boa? Leave it for some themed party. Are you a lucky owner of a rococo dress?

I’m dying to see you in it, but it would look too eccentric on the street or in a shopping mall.

If you want to pass as a woman, blending in with the crowd may be your best chance to avoid recognition.

You are worthy of praise and adoration, I do not doubt it, but being just an everyday girl for the day can give you what you need even more on your first walk en femme – calm and peace.

Minding your own business

The truth is, that people are busy. We all are trying to get somewhere and get something done.

People are not giving that much attention to strangers and you shouldn’t either!

What you should do is set a goal for your walk – like getting groceries, watching a movie in the theater, or just getting to some nice place and coming back.

If you focus on your own business, it will be easier for you to act naturally, don’t mind strangers, and enjoy your stroll.

It will also help to not attract too much attention to yourself – a person who constantly looks around and seems to be afraid of something surely is more standing out in the crowd than just another woman minding her own business.

If you focus on your goal, it will be also easier for you to overlook other people’s glances, which are probably neutral in most cases, but your stressed mind could interpret them otherwise.

There surely is way more good advice on how to get prepared for your first walk and not bother yourself with recognition.

Triple M principle works with me though every time, and I’m pretty sure it can be quite helpful for some of you too.

And if you still don’t feel confident – you can make it a Qadriple M principle, by adding “Mask” to the list.

We can point out many bad consequences of Covid-19 pandemic, but there’s one good outcome of it.

Wearing a face mask has become a way more popular view over the world.

Even if it’s not as much of an everyday accessory as it was a few years ago, you can still use it to help your anonymity and avoid recognition.

What if someone would want to hurt me?

I think I need to stress out that case – if crossdressing is illegal or highly dangerous in your area, I am NOT pushing you to do it in public.

The world is becoming a more and more progressive place, but that’s a process that can take quite a different pace in different countries.

Whenever you’re planning a going out en femme, you should evaluate risk while considering your area’s political mood.

On the other hand, though, I’m pretty sure we can exaggerate a bit sometimes when it comes to our safety.

I’m coming from a country that has its own problems with getting a high level of tolerance for LGBTQ+ movements, and that was holding me back too.

For years I was trapping myself in a cage of my own fears, missing opportunities to go out in crossdress.

When I think of it today – I’m regretting every year, month, and day I’ve lost that way.

I think that even if your country is not a paradise for minorities yet, it shouldn’t stop you from being yourself.

It should only make you more aware and prepared for some risky situations.

Freedom of showing your feminine self to the world is worth many things – but so is your safety too.

What can you do to maintain it?

Invite a friend for a walk!

Yes, the best thing you can do is to actually have someone to go with you.

I know that for some of you, it can be quite tricky.

I was bearing the burden of my gender difference on my own for a long time too.

It takes courage to open up to some people, but it can be very rewarding if you have progressive friends.

You can get a great companion for your next walk!

If your surroundings aren’t that supportive though, and you have no one to talk to about your situation, you can try to meet some other crossdressers online.

The Internet has quite a few tools for peas to find their pods and with a new sister, you can surely work out some kind of an agreement to walk out together.

Don’t be afraid, but be prepared!

Nonetheless, you should always be prepared for unpleasant encounters.

Your purse should be big enough to contain a fully charged phone, your ID (if it’s required in your country),

and some way of protection – a can of pepper spray or stun gun should be affordable and portable enough to give you some grasp on your defenses (if you’ll take a time to learn how to use them properly).

To avoid purse snatchers you can carry it with a strap going diagonally.

There’s no way anybody can take it from you with a single tug then.

Prevention is better than cure, though. It’s best to avoid desolated areas, especially at night.

I know it may sound terrifying, but crowds are way more safe for you.

If someone abuses you verbally – don’t pay them any attention, avoid the confrontation, and go away from them.

If all of those precautions fail and somebody gets aggressive towards you, keep in mind that yelling “Fire!” gets usually better reactions than just screaming “Help!”.

Try to get into a place with people and get help. The world is not filled with ill-intended people only though.

Even if some people dislike what you do, and who you are, most of them won’t dare to harm you on a bright day and among the other people.

Wrap up

These were the main reasons stopping me from being myself in public places.

Although it wasn’t easy to deal with them, I finally succeeded and I hope that this short guide can help some of you too.

Your alternative beauty, as I like to call it, is way too good to keep it indoors for the whole life, so get ready and go explore the world!

If you have different insecurities about going out, share them with us in the comments so we’ll try to work them out together!