9 Best Ways to Handle a Crush on Someone of the Same Gender as a Transgender

As a transgender individual, having a crush on someone of the same gender can be an incredibly confusing and hard experience to process.

On the one hand, it’s not unusual to find yourself attracted to members of your own gender in adulthood, regardless of how you identify.

On the other hand, for many transgender people, there are years’ worth of ingrained thoughts telling them that their attractions aren’t valid or accepted – something which can cause immense distress.

For this reason, learning more about ways to handle these types of crushes is important! 

In this blog post, I’ll go over some positive strategies you can use when navigating crushes on people who happen to have similar gender identities as yourself (whether they know yours or not!).

Here are the nine best ways to handle a crush on someone of the same gender as a transgender person.

Managing Your Feelings

Sometimes it helps to know that there’s nothing new under the sun.

And that there’s another transgender person who’s gone through the same feelings and emotions as you.

As you learn how to manage your feelings, you can understand yourself better and express how you feel.

Here’s how you can do this:

Don’t Panic

The uncertainty of whether your crush will like you back can put you into fight or flight mode.

To avoid this, take a deep breath that will help center you.

I know it’s easier said than done, but remember, it’s a crush, and liking someone is a beautiful experience and nothing to be ashamed of.

So allow yourself to feel the joy and excitement of having a crush.

And each time you feel overwhelmed, remember to take deep, slow breaths.

It’s completely normal for you to feel confused and to panic a little, but remember that your feelings are valid.

Instead of letting panic take over, take a step back and acknowledge your emotions without judgment.

By doing this, you’ll create a safe space for yourself and give yourself time to process and understand the extent of your feelings before acting on them.

Respect Your Feelings

I know that navigating a crush can be emotionally challenging, especially when it intersects with your gender identity.

That’s why it’s important to acknowledge and respect your feelings.

It’s completely okay to experience attraction and desire, regardless of your gender identity.

So cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to explore and express these emotions healthily and authentically.

Remember that in the LGBTQ+ community and as transgenders, we need to prioritize self-love, mainly because the world can be unkind to us.

So don’t be too hard on yourself.

Learn about Their Sexual Orientation – Don’t Assume!

When you have a crush on someone, it’s natural to want to know everything about them.

However, as a transgender person and member of the LQBTQ community, you understand how important it is to let others express their sexual orientation without putting them in a box.

That’s why you shouldn’t assume that your crush has the same sexual orientation as you.

And even if you think they are, they might just be acting friendly toward you.

In this case, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

So get to know your crush, and when you’re comfortable with each other, ask them about their sexual orientation.

Remember also to respect their boundaries and to let them define their sexual identity and share it with you when they’re ready.

Talk to Someone You Trust

As you try and understand your feelings, reach out to someone you trust.

Having a strong support system can be invaluable at this time.

This could be a close friend, a family member, or even a fellow transgender individual you can confide in and seek advice from.

If they’ve had a crush in the past, they can tell you their story and give you some helpful tips.

Having a safe space to discuss your feelings and concerns can give you insights and more perspective.

Sometimes, simply talking and opening up to someone can be therapeutic and help you get rid of any anxieties you may be feeling.

Spending Time With Your Crush

When you spend time with your crush, you’ll learn more about them and see if your feelings disappear or they become stronger.

If your feelings persist, here are more things you can do:

Find Out How They Feel About the LGBTQ+ Community

As unfortunate as it is, not everyone accepts and understands different sexual orientations and gender identities.

So before you make any move, try and bring up the topic of the LGBTQ+ community and gauge your crush’s attitude, tone, and reaction.

This can help you determine if they’re open-minded and accepting and if it’s safe for you to express your feelings.

If you’re too scared to have a heart-to-heart talk with them, you can look for other cues.

For example, you can look at their social media posts and find out if they have friends in the LGBTQ+ community.

You can also ask mutual friends if they know how your crush views members of the LGBTQ+ community.

Try Flirting With Them

Once you know how they feel about the LGBTQ+ community, you can go ahead and test the waters.

Start subtly flirty with them, then see how they respond. If they play along, this is a sign that they like you too.

Here are two tips you can follow when you’re flirting with your crush:

Start with small gestures

Try simple gestures like gently touching them on the shoulders, holding eye contact, giving them compliments, and being playful around them.

You can also be the first to initiate conversation and ask them to meet up.

Respect boundaries

As you flirt with them, pay attention to their comfort level and make sure you don’t make them uncomfortable.

It may be best to back off if they don’t respond or seem uncomfortable.

When You’re Ready, Share Your Feelings

After a few playful banter, and if you feel that the time is right, share your feelings with them.

I know this can be nerve-racking, but if you don’t share your feelings, you might never know if they feel the same.

When you feel ready, ask your crush to meet you in a private but safe area.

Before meeting them, you can practice what you’ll say in the mirror so you don’t get tongue-tied.

Once you meet, find a comfortable place to sit, take a deep breath, and express your feelings.

Move On if Your Crush Doesn’t Share Your Feelings

As heartbreaking as it may be, remind yourself that attraction is not something we can control, regardless of our sexual orientation.

If your crush doesn’t share your feelings, the best thing you can do is to respect their decision and move on.

Remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and you’ll find someone who will appreciate and share your feelings.

If you’re struggling and feeling low after getting turned down by your crush, here’s what you can do:

Give yourself time to heal

Create a safe space for yourself to process your emotions and heal from disappointment.

You can choose to stay by yourself, but you can easily feel depressed.

I would advise you to surround yourself with your friends.

You can also make time for hobbies that make you happy and bring you joy.

Focus on self-care and self-love

As much as you’d like to be a couch potato and self-care might be the last thing on your mind, taking care of yourself will really help.

If you love working out, you can go to the gym or for a run.

If you prefer staying indoors, you can take a long shower and do your skin and hair care routine.

Taking care of yourself physically will help you feel much better.

Stay Open to New Possibilities

Keep exploring your feelings and embracing them no matter who you are attracted to.

Love knows no boundaries, and keeping your mind and heart open will help you find the right person who will love you for you.

Lastly, be gentle with yourself.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed or doubt yourself, but remember that your attractions are valid and real.

Embrace your transgender identity, trust your instincts, and have self-confidence.

You were a ten before you caught feelings for them, and you’re still a ten now.

Conclusion

Having a crush on someone of the same gender as a transgender individual can be a rollercoaster ride of emotions. However, you’re not alone, and you can talk to a fellow transgender person who’s gone through the same.

You can also reach out to other members of the LGBTQ+ Community for advice and to seek comfort from them. This will remind you that you’re not alone in this journey and you have an entire community that’s ready to lift you up. Remember, you deserve happiness and love, and you shouldn’t settle for someone who doesn’t feel the same as you do.